To Build Real Human Connection, Accept Your Fragile Humanity and Go Gently

Here’s some gentle guidance on accepting your fragile humanity as you take meaningful steps towards deeper, real human connection.

Let's take consistent steps towards connection

Hello friend

There’s so much powerful content here at HUMANS:CONNECTING that’s all created to serve, support, challenge and inspire you to become a more connected human. Within it are nuggets of wisdom: phrases and ideas that can take seconds to say but can shift the course of a life.

Some of these ideas unlock something inside us. They offer a perspective that lands deep in the body and nourishes the soul.

I want to revisit one of those ideas now. It came from Jonathon (Jono) Lawless, our Investment Manager, in episode 25 of the HUMANS:CONNECTING podcast.

Jono is an investment banker. He and I met at school when we were 16 years old and went on to attend the same university. We lost contact after graduation as we began our careers. While I joined the Australian Public Service and moved to Canberra, Jono entered the world of investment banking, eventually moving to Sydney and then Hong Kong.

In our podcast conversation, Jono spoke openly about his midlife reawakening. He described a deep feeling that there had to be more to life than what he was experiencing in the endless hustle to prove his value to others. That sense led him inward and, ultimately, back home to Sydney — and to volunteering at Lifeline.

If you haven’t listened to the episode, I hope you do. It’s honest, real, and deeply human.

Like all volunteers in crisis support services, Jono offers an invaluable contribution. He shared how, during his shifts, he speaks to people in crisis or those who just need someone to simply listen to them.

We are all fragile humans

During our chat, I asked Jono what he’s learned about human connection through his involvement at HUMANS:CONNECTING and time at Lifeline. His response stayed with me. He said:

‘It really occurred to me that [loneliness] is endemic, and it affects everyone. There’s no certain type of person. It’s just unbelievable the people that [I] talk to… it’s just like talking to your Mum, your brother, or a guy you know down the street that’s making coffee. It could be anyone, and it’s really changed my perspective on the fragility of us as humans and how important it is for everyone to know that you’re not on your own.’

It's the words ‘the fragility of us as humans’ that really stayed with me.

I don’t know about you, but for years I worked hard to give the impression that I had life sorted. That I was smart, capable and fearless.

It was a mask.

Behind it, I was filled with self-doubt and insecurity. I thought I was doing a good job of hiding it — and most of the time I was. But every now and then, the mask would slip, and the real me would show through. 

Image: canva.com

Looking back, I can see that the mask created disconnection. It kept me from myself and from the people who cared about me. At the time, I truly believed that if I showed anything less than perfection, I’d be abandoned. That people would leave if I wasn’t smart, capable and fearless.

I wore the mask to protect myself from that fear coming true.

But the protection came at a cost. It was also a barrier to connection. I wasn’t allowing my real self to be seen, and the care or love that others offered couldn’t fully reach me.

The irony was that the more I maintained the façade, the lonelier I became.

And I know I’m not the only one.

Almost everyone I’ve ever met is making life up as they go. I say almost only because I’ve not seen the data to make it empirical, but I haven’t yet met someone who truly has it all figured out.

We’re all doing the best we can, with what we have, for as long as we’ve got.

When life happens — and it always does — can we let go of the image we’re trying to maintain and admit that we’re just a fragile human doing our best? Can we remember that we’re surrounded by other fragile humans, some of whom are more willing to help than we realise?

That kind of connection begins with removing the mask and letting yourself be seen.

But to do that,

We need to go gently.

Masks are there for a reason. We use them to protect ourselves, hoping that if judgement comes, it won’t sting as much. But when we start to let them go, we feel exposed. The judgement stings.

Image: canva.com

Still, something else happens too.

When the masks come off, the love and acceptance we receive feel real (sometimes overwhelmingly so). That’s what feeds the sense of belonging we all need.

Taking off the mask is necessary for connection. We often want to rip off the band-aid and rush through this uncomfortable part.

We see it a lot at HUMANS:CONNECTING. People try to overhaul their entire lives in one go.

But Jono’s advice offers a gentler way:

‘First, please know that you’re not on your own and be gentle on yourself. Secondly, there is a pathway to move forward to get the connection that you need, but don’t overwhelm yourself that you can do it one go. That it’ll be something like you’ll join a club, or a walking group and it’s going to land instantaneously. Feel the permission to take a little step, and that might actually be like saying something like ‘how’s your day going?’ [to someone]. It’s something little that just moves you forward slightly. Not being overwhelmed with trying to fix things or change things or solve everything in one go, and you’ll be okay.’

I love this advice. I need to be reminded of it frequently. Indeed, Jono often does remind me to go gently on myself.

And now, I’m reminding you.

Let’s put this into practice and end your loneliness

There’s power in accepting that no matter what you’ve achieved, you are — and always will be — a fragile human.

To understand your connection needs, you must first understand your loneliness. Not fix it. Just understand it. Take your time. You might feel the urge to rush or go to extremes. That’s natural.

But the “all or nothing” approach rarely lasts.

Choose to go gently. Take one step towards connection. Reflect. Then take another. Reflect again. Keep going.

You might call this ‘stacking your connection habits’. Whatever you call it, it’s the most effective way I know to move toward the connection you’re worthy of.

A quick ask

If this resonated, please share this article with someone who might need to hear it. It might just be the start of a meaningful conversation that helps both of you feel connected.

That’s it for this article

Thanks for spending time with these words. We share them to support, challenge, and inspire you as you grow into a more connected, intentional human.

Subscribe to our mailing list if you’d like more of this in your inbox. It’s the only way to reliably stay connected with our work — no algorithms, just a direct line from us to you.

You'll hear from me once a week or whenever we have something meaningful to share. And if you ever choose to unsubscribe, no hard feelings — we’ll still think you’re great.

Until next time, be awesomely you.

~ Phil   

SUBSCRIBE AND STAY CONNECTED

PRODUCTS TO HELP END YOUR LONELINESS 

Important:

All views expressed above are the author’s and are intended to inform, support, challenge and inspire you to consider the issue of loneliness and increase awareness of the need for authentic connection with your self, with those most important to you and your communities as an antidote to loneliness. Unless otherwise declared, the author is not a licensed mental health professional and these words are not intended to be crisis support. If you’re in crisis, this page has some links for immediate support for where you may be in the world.

If you’re in crisis, please don’t wait. Get support now.