How to thrive through life's transitions

We know that we notice our loneliness most during times of transition. Here’s how you can thrive through these times and feel connected.

We want you to respond with confidence

Hello, you wonderful human.    

Thank you for choosing to take time out of your day to read these words. I find it wondrous that in writing these words now and then publishing them, the words do nothing until your eyes read them.

The connection between you and me is made only once your eyes read them. Me writing these words and you reading them create a kind of intimate connection that endures for as long as these words survive. Isn’t that astounding?

Anyway, let’s jump into this article. It's an important article that I know can support you throughout your life.

Life’s transitions: the reason we feel lonely

We’ve long known that life’s transitions are times when we can reasonably expect to notice the thoughts and feelings of loneliness. (For easily understood examples of this, see these sources here, here and here) 

Life’s transitions can include:

• Going from primary school to secondary school

• Starting at a new school

• Leaving school

• Starting university

• Starting a new job

• Losing a job

• Moving house

• Becoming a parent

• Moving into midlife

• Coming out of the closet

• A surprise diagnosis

• The end of a relationship (by divorce or because someone died)

• Becoming an empty nester

• Retirement

• Moving into a retirement home

• The end of life

I’m sure that there are many other transitions in life that you could add to this list, but you get the idea.

Image: canva.com

The truth

Transitions are part of life. It doesn’t matter what you do or what you believe, change is going to come your way.

Some changes can be welcome, and others can be scary. We can anticipate some changes, like during pregnancy and others – like midlife, it seems – can creep up on us when we’re not looking. Whether change is welcomed or not, change always brings some element of surprise.

There’s always something that we didn’t expect or anticipate. When that happens, we’re called to adapt and respond with little preparation and not knowing how it’s going to turn out.  

The thoughts and feelings of loneliness can be part of that surprise – whether by its very presence or by its intensity.

Something for you to ponder and to sit with: do you fear, resist or even try to control change because you also fear the yuckiness of loneliness that is likely to come as part of that change?

Opportunity with this understanding

Knowing that you can expect to experience the thoughts and feelings of loneliness during life’s transitions gives you some power in how you choose to respond.

Let’s look at the facts:

• change is inevitable

• you will experience loneliness at times in your life

• we know that connection is the antidote to human loneliness.

As part of your planning – like those endless lists trying to organise yourselves before moving house – you can anticipate a visit from your loneliness and include your connection needs in your preparations.

How do you know your connection needs? Develop and follow your Connection Plan.

Broadly, your Connection Plan addresses each of the three pillars of connection: connection to self, connection to those most important to you, and connection to community. (Here’s an article I wrote about the three pillars of connection).

Image: canva.com

There’s a certain confidence that comes when you know your connection needs. There’s no guessing or hoping that something will help you feel more connected. There’s also no panicked response when you realise that you need to do something, but you don’t have a clue about what you need, let alone how to do it. The guessing, hoping and panic are all exhausting at a time that’s already stressful. 

We want you to feel that confidence.

There will still be things that take you by surprise, but your Connection Plan means you’ll be much better equipped to respond when they do.  

How I know this

Since I started working on loneliness and human (dis)connection in 2018, I’ve

• moved house five times (in three countries)

• said goodbye to my Dad, who passed away in 2019

• come out of the closet as gay

• navigated a divorce

• been homeless and stuck in a foreign country

• supported our children start at three schools

• supported Jeff, my partner, in his move to Australia

• started new roles within my job in the Australian Public Service

• quit my career in the Australian Public Service and become a social entrepreneur

• lived during COVID (enough said)

• navigated (and still navigating) changes brought about by seemingly eternal political, social and economic challenges. 

That’s a lot of change. And I’m sure your list would be long, too.

Without doubt, knowing my connection needs – and then building them into my day so I get them met – has supported me through all these times of transition. I’ve still experienced loneliness, but I’ve been able to get the connection I’ve needed faster and with more confidence than if I’d muddled through.     

Let’s end your loneliness

Knowing that we can expect to experience loneliness during times of transition is powerful, isn’t it? It makes sense.

It’s one thing to know this, but it’s another to know what you can do about it.

Your Connection Plan can help you thrive through these changes. It can give you the confidence to know that you can respond to loneliness like any other life skill you’ve learned to address your basic needs. You’re not going to stay hungry because you know how to cook and prepare yourself some nourishing food (and then eat it), nor will you go thirsty because you know how to pour yourself some water (and then drink it).

You can develop your Connection Plan yourself by reflecting on what your connection needs are across each of the three pillars of connection.

You can also have our support as you develop your Connection Plan throug HUMANS:CONNECTING’s Connection Starter Course.

That’s it for this article

Thank you for taking some time to read these words. We provide them to serve, support, challenge and inspire you as you become a more connected human.

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Until next time, be awesomely you.

~ Phil  

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Important:

All views expressed above are the author’s and are intended to inform, support, challenge and inspire you to consider the issue of loneliness and increase awareness of the need for authentic connection with your self, with those most important to you and your communities as an antidote to loneliness. Unless otherwise declared, the author is not a licensed mental health professional and these words are not intended to be crisis support. If you’re in crisis, this page has some links for immediate support for where you may be in the world.

If you’re in crisis, please don’t wait. Get support now.