Has the rush to get back to life as normal fed your loneliness?
Hello you wonderful human.
It’s lovely to be with you again. Thank you for choosing to spend part of your day here with me reading these words.
A note here before you read this post: it contains a discussion about loneliness, grief and the rush to put it all aside to get back to life as normal. Check in with yourself to see if you’re in a good space to sit with some heaviness now. It’s all good if you’re not, the beauty of a blog is that this will be here when you’re ready.
In dramatic understatement, it’s been a big few years for being a human on this planet.
These times feel unprecedented for us, and it feels like we’re pixels in some kind of cosmic Etch-A-Sketch being shaken around. We’re doing our best to go about our lives, but we suspect that something will happen to shake us around again. We’re just not sure when it’ll happen and how ferocious the shaking will be. We’re on edge.
That may have been a dated metaphor. If you don’t know what an Etch-A-Sketch is, it’s like an analogue iPad. If you still don’t know what it is, check this link out.
A recap of the past few years - what's passing for 'normal life'
In case you do need a reminder of just how rough the past few years have been, here’s a quick sketch for you:
- A global pandemic
The uncertainty and fear that comes from a new disease and how it would impact yourself AND those around you
Lockdowns: depending on where you’re reading this, these lockdowns could have lasted up to 262 days over an 18-month period
Social distancing: keeping in our bubbles, wearing masks, staying 2 metres apart from other humans in some places, or 1.5 metres apart in others (or 6’ apart if you’re in a country that still uses imperial measurements)
Collective grief: According to the World Health Organization, from 31 December 2019 to 8 September 2024, 7,064,380 people have been reported to the WHO as dying from COVID-19. 1.2 million of those people died in the United States. Millions of humans globally are grieving the loss of someone they love – sometimes multiple people they love. Perhaps that includes you, too.
- Economic challenges
The Great Resignation
Inflation
Wage stagnation
Record corporate profits
Rising costs of food
Rising costs of utilities
Unaffordable housing prices making housing a luxury, rather than a right.
Paying exorbitant rents
Repaying a mortgage with high interest rates
- Political challenges
Rise of authoritarian governments
Rise of populist parties forming populist governments
Divisive elections
Isolationism and political extremism
Dissatisfaction with party politics
Eroding trust in institutions
‘Othering’ of minority populations
- Social challenges
Ageing populations
Loneliness and social disconnection
Community displacement (due to conflicts)
Falling birth rates
Homelessness
Poverty
Erosion of trust in social institutions
- Environmental challenges
Climate change
Climate change denialism
Corporate greenwashing
Deforestation
Overfishing
Industrial farming
I really should have thought more about putting all this down. I don’t know how you’re feeling right now, but writing that list has put me into a sombre mood.
It’s a list of woe, isn’t it? And there are so many others that I could have added.
Sidenote: this article is suddenly very uncomfortable for me to write. Are you feeling uncomfortable too?
Let’s do this discomfort together.
This is weighing us all down
You and I are carrying these burdens around within us as we’re trying to get back to life as normal.
It’s tough, isn’t it?
It’s hard to keep showing up putting in the effort to get ahead – or just break-even – when there’s this weight within us.
And because we’re all carrying this weight – this grief – it’s tough to show up for other people. Sharing what’s within us with other people can be really helpful, but it can also quickly degenerate into comparative and competitive story-sharing, where the person who has it worse is most worthy of the available support.
Instead of sharing our burdens, we opt to carry them quietly. We believe that because everyone else is carrying something, it would be wrong to add to their burdens, right?
Our collective response feeds loneliness
I’m sure you’re heard multiple times about how it’s time to get back to life as normal. It’s said in workplaces, in political discourse and we say it to ourselves.
These time hardly seem ‘normal’. We’re in pain and we’re doing our very best to cope.
The rush to put the pain aside and to get back to life as normal can start us down a spiral.
Because we’re rushing back to normal, we don’t have time to acknowledge the pain, fear and trauma we’re all carrying from our own experiences over the past few years. We don’t say anything about the burden we carry because we’re in a rush to get back to normal and it feels like there’s no time to pause.
Conversations stay at the surface level – gossip, work, sports, the weather – and we give nothing of our pain away. All around us people are talking but no one’s saying anything. Certainly no one is talking about the burden we’re carrying.
Over time, the burden we carry can make it tough to show up in places and spaces because we believe that everyone else is fine and our burden is ours alone. It’s tough to get out of the house. It’s even tougher still to get out of our own heads to get any respite.
This is loneliness.
Own it and feel its power
This article is intense, isn’t it?
It’s time to bring some hope to all this talk about the unspoken burden we carry that’s feeding our loneliness and social disconnection, because there’s always hope.
I’m a fan of classic Stoic philosophy. I draw great comfort and strength from the belief that I may not control what happens in life, but I can always control how I respond.
Rather than deny or pretend that you and I are fine, I strongly believe that you and I need to each own our burdens within. I need to own mine and you need to own yours.
We both need to own it because it owns us until we own it.
You and I need to accept that we’re going through some intense times and we’ve been going through them for a few years.
And with that acceptance comes a powerful choice.
Knowing that you’ve been going through some intense times, how do you choose to show up for yourself? How do you choose to show up for those most important to you? How are you choosing to show up in community?
I choose connection. I choose to be connected to my authentic self and to be me in the world in ways that I know align with my values. When I’m being me in the world, the connection that I receive from others is the connection I need.
It’s POWERFUL to know that while I cannot control what’s happening in the world, I can always choose how I respond.
And you can, too.
Let the world rush about, you and I are allowing what is within us to be. We’re slowing down and choosing connection.
That’s always a great place to start.
Let’s end your loneliness
As always, the HUMANS:CONNECTING team and I never want you to close any of our content without something to help you end your loneliness and feed connection.
So as this blog comes to an end, I invite you to reflect on this question for yourself:
What are the burdens from the past few years that I’m carrying within?
You may be carrying a mix of loneliness, grief, anger, frustration and sadness. Indeed, it may be uncomfortable to even sit with the question. That discomfort may have been the reason you’ve avoided sitting with this question in the past.
Be courageous: allow what comes up to be. You don’t have to fix it now. Simply acknowledge it and make a choice about how you want to respond. Our tip, as always, is to choose connection.
One of the ways that you choose to respond with the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings is to seek objective, unbiased third-party support to help you identify and work through them – whether that support be a mental health professional, a coach or a mentor.
But talking to a friend or writing in your journal is also a great place to start.
You’re worthy of asking for and receiving the same support you’d recommend to someone you love who felt like you do.
That’s it for this post
This post was a tough one to write. I’ll admit that I felt more uncomfortable than I thought I would. But I also felt better when I reminded myself that I have the power to choose how I respond to the burdens that I’m carrying. I hope you feel better knowing you have the power, too.
There’s so much more content on how you can become a more connected human coming in the next few weeks. The next blog is about taking steps towards connection. It's a doozy, and you don't want to miss it. Subscribing to our mailing list means that you won’t miss that post or any future content on our blog and podcast when it’s released.
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Until next time, be awesomely you.
~ Phil
Important:
All views expressed above are the author’s and are intended to inform, support, challenge and inspire you to consider the issue of loneliness and increase awareness of the need for authentic connection with your self, with those most important to you and your communities as an antidote to loneliness. Unless otherwise declared, the author is not a licensed mental health professional and these words are not intended to be crisis support. If you’re in crisis, this page has some links for immediate support for where you may be in the world.
If you’re in crisis, please don’t wait. Get support now.
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