You’re successful at work, but you're not happy. Why work can stop feeling meaningful in midlife
- Phil McAuliffe
- 3 days ago
- 5 min read
You’ve worked hard to build your career.
You’re progressing, respected and successful, but that's not enough.
This article explores why success at work can stop feeling meaningful in midlife.
Hello my friend
You know that your skills, insights and perspectives are valued. You've been contributing to important work.
But you might find yourself here, reading these words and seeking an answer after thinking ‘I'm successful at work, but I’m not happy’. I'm very familiar with this dilemma.
I loved my career. It gave me such a sense of purpose. I felt that I was making a positive contribution to the development of modern Australia.
There were many, many days when I felt overwhelmed and frustrated by my work, whether that was the amount of it, the improbable deadlines, the lack of resources or being frustrated by other people.
But we can endure anything when we know that we’re working towards something worthwhile and meaningful beyond ourselves.
My work became part of my identity. I was the person to whom tough problems could be thrown. I’d work on them with a smile on my face and a whistle on my lips. I’d build and develop my teams and, together, we’d get things done. I was going places and was identified as senior leadership material.
That changed when the leadership team changed. I go into more detail in this article, but I’ll simply say that my skills and work history were seen as a liability within the new order.
I felt lost within myself. I was bereft. I was working in a job that I loved – and that I’d invested so much of myself to get and progress in – but I was unhappy. I could not magic up the enthusiasm needed to endure the constant demands.
I felt guilty that I was not eternally grateful for the job I had. I felt hemmed in by the obligations I had. I could see a life of grey relentlessness before me.
Is this you?
You may be in a similar experience right now. You may be thinking things like:
‘I should be happy’
‘This is what I’ve worked so hard for. I need to keep going.’
‘I’m progressing in my career, but why don’t I feel successful?’
Or even:
‘I can do this job, but do I want to keep doing it?’
‘I don’t want to keep pushing like this forever. This is crazy.’
‘Something needs to change, but what?’
Read on if this is you.
Some truths about why a good job can stop feeling right
It’s common in midlife to wonder why you’re not happy at work anymore, even when everything looks like it’s working.
You’re you. So clearly you still want to keep showing up, doing what you can to help things move closer to a successful outcome at work.
You’re still very competent. You’re respected. You’re still making progress.
It’s just that the climb no longer motivates you in your career in the way it once did.
You’re so close to getting there. You’re almost reaching the point that you’ve been working towards for years.
But the closer you get, the more you’re realising that there’s no there there.
For many people, this is the point where a good job stops feeling meaningful.
Work used to feel exciting. Challenges motivated you. Work gave you a sense of purpose. Well, maybe not always, but often.
Work is now repetitive. You’ve seen the cycle too many times to believe it will be different. Things have gotten political.
You’re just going through the motions.
You’re feeling the impact of tying your identity to something that simply feels unfulfilling.
(This is something explored in this article).
Feeling untethered and adrift is awful.
The internal battle when you’re not happy at work anymore
You can rage within yourself.
On one hand, you tell yourself that this is what you’ve worked so hard to achieve. All the late nights, weekends, consistent high-performance, and seizing every opportunity has led you to this point.
You’ve achieved what you wanted. This is success.
Your outer world may reflect this.
But you don’t feel it, because on the other hand, the question ‘Is this it?’ lingers.
To deal with the tension, you say things like ‘I should be grateful’ through to ‘Suck it up. This is success. Don’t change from the plan now’.
Yet, you’re restless.
If you’ve been wondering why your job no longer feels meaningful, this is where the answer begins.
When a good job no longer feels meaningful, it’s time to shift
These feelings are invitations to evolve. Your usual approach to work has stopped working. The usefulness of the striving and achievement has diminished.
You have a choice: continue in this way and hope the strategy to find meaning and purpose works again; or try something else.
In my experience, the latter is the only real option. Doing more of what got you here is not going to get you where you need to go.
The dissonance and tension you’re experiencing is that invitation to move from achievement to contribution. It’s about shaping and finding meaning rather than climbing the greasy pole and chasing status.
Reframing connection to your authentic self
One of the reasons the dissonance and tension hit hard is that we’ve made what we do part of who we are.
Quick exercise: how often does your job feature in your answer when asked to introduce yourself and share something about yourself? Where does it feature on your list?
If your work features highly in how you introduce yourself, that tells you how entwined it is with your identity.
The dissonance, tension and frustrations are invitations for work to become part of your identity, not your whole identity.
However, when you make that necessary shift, it can feel like there’s nothing else to fill that part of your life. That’s what disconnection to self feels like. If you feel that, uncovering who you are beyond your job is a great place to start.
What you can do now
Does work energise you the same way?
What role does work play in your identity now?
What needs to change?
A place to start
If you recognise yourself in this, it’s worth pausing and understanding what’s going on beneath it.
It may be pointing to a deeper question: what kind of connection is meaningful to you?
The Connection Starter Course helps you understand the quality of your connections and take practical steps to strengthen meaningful connection in your life.
You’ll develop your personal Connection Plan — a practical way to get the connection that’s meaningful for you.
~ Phil
FROM THE H:C STORE
Important:
All views expressed above are the author’s and are intended to inform, support, challenge and inspire you to consider the issue of loneliness and increase awareness of the need for authentic connection with your self, with those most important to you and your communities as an antidote to loneliness. Unless otherwise declared, the author is not a licensed mental health professional and these words are not intended to be crisis support. If you’re in crisis, this page has some links for immediate support for where you may be in the world.
If you’re in crisis, please don’t wait. Get support now.
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