Book Review: Let’s Talk About Loneliness - the book that dares to say ‘loneliness’ aloud
- Phil McAuliffe
- 7 hours ago
- 5 min read
We need to stop whispering the word 'loneliness'. This review explores a book that says it aloud — and shows us what real connection can look like.
Hello friend
If you only have the time and capacity to read one sentence of this article, make it the next sentence.
You must read this book.
If you’ve time to read a few more sentences about why you need to read this book, please read on.
‘Let’s Talk About Loneliness’ by Simone Heng
You’ve likely already read 'Let's Talk About Loneliness', heard about it, or are familiar with Heng’s work and content on social media if you work in human connection.
But this review is for you if you don’t work in the nascent human connection sector, but come to the HUMANS:CONNECTING blog to get great content to help you understand your loneliness and use it to get the connection that it’s telling you that you’re not receiving.
I want to share with you the reasons I feel you’d get value from this book.
It uses the ‘L’ word
I love how the title of the book is audacious enough to use the word loneliness. Overtly. In a proud and declaratory way.
For too often and for too long, loneliness was a word publishers avoided. The reason being that loneliness is too heavy and dreary, and that no one buys content about it.
Loneliness was avoided, but the solution – connection – was what people wanted. Before the pandemic, popular books on loneliness were called Lost Connections and Together. Even now, post-pandemic, books and other content on loneliness rarely use the word.
It’s like books and other content addressing loneliness are hidden like medicine in jam and hopefully consumed without anyone noticing it was there.
As an aside, as an astute reader, you’ll be yelling at your screen words like ‘Phil! Your social enterprise is called HUMANS:CONNECTING!’ To which I respond: Yes, it is. It’s named HUMANS:CONNECTING for this very reason. I have two other sites – The Lonely Diplomat (for diplomats and those living the diplomatic life) and The Loneliness Guy (for gay and queer men) – which struggled to book any speaking events because potential clients were repelled by the emotional weight of loneliness. Indeed, I self-published my own book The Lonely Diplomat in 2019 because of feedback from a number of publishers who would not entertain anything with the word ‘lonely’ or ‘loneliness’ in the title.
Everyone wants the solution without talking about the problem.
But back to this book…
Avoiding loneliness may improve sales, but it is an excellent way to feed the stigma of loneliness.
The only effective way to dispel any stigma is to speak about it openly, honestly and proudly.
It’s hard to talk about loneliness – its causes and impacts – if we cannot and do not say the word.
As destigmatising loneliness is part of our core mission here at HUMANS:CONNECTING, I applaud Heng for prevailing in any fights with her publishers and including loneliness in the title of this book.
By my count, ‘Let’s Talk About Loneliness’ has received six literary awards and started countless conversations in book clubs and other spaces globally. This book blazes an important trail.
It leads with lived experience
Heng is to be applauded for her bravery and courage in sharing so much of herself and her experience in this book.
Leading with lived experience is what sets this apart from other content and is what connects us as the readers to Heng and her life throughout this book.
This is not easy to do. Sharing stories of loneliness resonates with humans in ways that more conceptual and academic books can never do, but it’s emotionally taxing work.
Heng shares her experiences as a woman, as a child of migrants, a sibling, navigating life in an Asian family while living in white suburbia, working in the media and as an expat living and working in multiple countries.
While her experiences are uniquely hers, you’ll find yourself – as I did – knowing how it was to spend time with our fathers as they worked; the challenges of our parents getting sick and passing; the traumas of childhood and the search for belonging; trying to fit in with societal expectations of who we feel we should be as opposed to being who we are.
Heng masterfully weaves in stories with insights we’re uncovering from studying loneliness from prominent academics and other sources. The stories come first, supported by information.
All this means that her words hit differently. They’re powerful. They’re resonant. They come from wisdom as opposed to knowledge.
Knowledge is learned from books, but wisdom is earned from life. We know the difference.
I highly commend this book to you.
Where to find it
Frustratingly, I’ve not found it in many book retailers in Australia.
You may have better luck outside Australia. If you’re in Singapore, I bet you can get a signed copy if you go to the excellent Kinokuniya bookstore. Heng often shares videos of signing copies of her book on her socials =).
However, you can buy the book or audiobook through your preferred online retailer.
Further resources
You may find this content on HUMANS:CONNECTING interesting if the concepts raised in this review spoke to you:
Overcoming Loneliness: My Story from Disconnection to Meaningful Connection
The 3 Pillars of Human Connection: Your Shortcut to Meaningful Connection
4 Beliefs That Feed Loneliness – and How to Find Meaningful Connection
That’s it for this review
Thanks for spending time with these words. We share them to support, challenge, and inspire you as you grow into a more connected, intentional human.
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Until next time, be awesomely you.
~ Phil
Important:
All views expressed above are the author’s and are intended to inform, support, challenge and inspire you to consider the issue of loneliness and increase awareness of the need for authentic connection with your self, with those most important to you and your communities as an antidote to loneliness. Unless otherwise declared, the author is not a licensed mental health professional and these words are not intended to be crisis support. If you’re in crisis, this page has some links for immediate support for where you may be in the world.
If you’re in crisis, please don’t wait. Get support now.