What I learned after going alcohol-free for 2.5 years: Reflections on alcohol, midlife and connection
- Phil McAuliffe
- Aug 2
- 7 min read
Going alcohol-free in midlife changed more than my relationship with alcohol.
I’ve learned lessons about presence, curiosity and meaningful connection over the past 2.5 years.
Rather than convincing you to stop drinking, these reflections are an invitation to become curious about the habits that shape your life.
It feels like alcohol is a vital part of connection. You may remember when the CEO of a global alcohol brand said that drinking more of their beer would help people connect and reduce rates of loneliness (source).
Leaving commentary about that aside, alcohol features as part of celebrations and commiserations. It helps us take the edge off and calm down after a long day or a stressful week.
There’s a glass of wine while debriefing the day and cooking dinner. There are a few beers with pizza on Friday night and drinks with friends over the weekend or catching up after work.
Your friends recommend wines, craft beers or swap cocktail recipes in your group chats.
Indeed, drinking alcohol is often implied when the phrase ‘Let’s catch up’ is said between friends. It’s like drinking alcohol is simply part of connection in adult life.
You’re reading these words not because you feel your consumption of alcohol is a problem, but you’re starting to become aware of the impact that alcohol is having on your body as you get older.
You’ve noticed that you’re not sleeping as well on nights when you drink. You’ve noticed that midlife hormonal changes are impacting your enjoyment of alcohol. You’ve noticed that you’re carrying a bit of extra weight and the empty calories from alcohol don’t seem as innocent as they once did.
You may have even noticed the impact alcohol is having on your bank account.
You're beginning to wonder what life would be like going alcohol-free or having a few alcohol-free days each week and how it could affect your social health, wellbeing and sense of connection.
I’d like to share my experience with you – what I noticed and what I’ve learned as a man in my late 40s – especially when it comes to human connection.
The initial challenge
I’m a coach in an amazing online men’s community that changed my life.
As part of this community, we frequently challenge each other to get out of our comfort zones and bust out of ruts. This might look like doing at least 10,000 steps a day if we’ve had a few weeks of being sedentary, reading for at least 15 minutes a day if we’ve been falling asleep watching YouTube, journalling for 30 minutes a day if we’re using busyness to avoid discomfort, or averaging at least 7 hours of sleep a night over a week if we’ve been burning the candle at both ends.
In February 2024, I was challenged to a month of being sober. I wasn’t worried about my alcohol consumption at the time, but coming out the other side of the festive season, the summer holidays and my birthday, I’d consumed more alcohol over the previous months.
At a heavier-than-usual 83kg, I’d also noticed the extra five kilos that seemed to be taking up residence.
I remember thinking that February was the shortest month, so I accepted the challenge.
February became March and I realised that I enjoyed how I felt. I found that rather than feeling sluggish on a Sunday morning, I preferred waking up fresher and going for a run.
That challenge was 2.5 years ago. I’ve not drunk alcohol since.
Here's what I've learned after 2.5 years alcohol-free.
What I’ve missed
I enjoyed drinking. There were many happy associations with it.
I’ve missed the discovery that comes with alcohol. I really enjoyed a well-made negroni and loved finding bars in Canberra and in other cities that made a good one.
I loved the taste of a cold beer with a pizza on Friday night.
The sound of a bottle of bubbles opening and then savouring the first few sips when friends came around for a barbecue was instantly joyous.
I really enjoyed a glass or two of a hearty Australian red wine on a cold winter’s night. Red wine was how Dad and I connected when he was alive. He’d save nice bottles of red wine for us to enjoy together whenever I’d visit when living overseas. A memory I’ll always treasure is sharing a final glass of red with him when I said my final goodbye to him before he died.
And a Coke Zero tastes the same everywhere. There’s no thrill of discovery.
What surprised me
I thought that I’d really miss alcohol, but beyond the first few weeks of the challenge, I found that I rarely think about it. Being alcohol-free simply became my normal.
Over the past 2.5 years, there have been school and university reunions, weddings, numerous birthdays, some graduations and other celebrations where alcohol was all around me and part of the festivities. In the past, I would have said something like ‘Having a drink will help me relax’ or ‘a drink or two would take the edge off’ any nerves.
Initially, there were a few social events when I would’ve killed for a beer, but otherwise I’ve been really impressed with how I’ve been present in the moment without the need for alcohol.
I can simply enter a social situation and be me and that most certainly hasn’t always been the case. I’d have used alcohol to amp me up or to calm me down, depending on what I thought the situation required of me. Now, I’m me as I am when I enter a social situation. I find that any nerves usually dissipate after a few minutes anyway.
Philosophically, I don’t need anything external to become the me I want to be. I simply need to be me.
Jeff, my wonderful partner, has been amazing at researching and sourcing alcohol-free beer, bubbles and wines for us to try. Happily, alcohol-free beers and bubbles can be tasty. Alcohol-free wine has a way to go, though.
I’ve found that kombucha is a great substitute for alcohol. Like a pair of suburban hipsters, we make our own kombucha brewed from teas. My favourite is kombucha brewed from Twining’s Camomile and Spiced Apple tea. It’s tart and bubbly when mixed with fizzy water from the SodaStream.
Making a glass of kombucha has taken on the same mini-ritual status when preparing dinner that pouring a glass of wine or cracking open a beer once did.
What got easier
Sleep, most definitely. It was one of the first things I noticed after going alcohol-free. My watch tells me that the quality of my sleep has improved since I stopped drinking alcohol.
My mornings, especially Saturday and Sunday mornings, got easier too. I simply needed one coffee instead of two or three to get me moving.
Running and working out got easier after going alcohol-free too. Anyone in midlife soon learns that it takes double the effort to achieve half the results. Without alcohol, the effort required to maintain the results seemed to diminish. I found that I went from 83kg to 80kg without really trying.
Nights out got easier – and cheaper – as there was no need for a taxi or Uber to get to and from an event. I was the designated driver.
And I just mentally felt clearer and more present.
What I hadn’t expected
There are a few things that I hadn’t expected:
Just how much the social life of adults revolves around alcohol
How much I’d enjoy social events without alcohol. I thought that social events would need to be endured rather than enjoyed.
How keen friends were to support my decision. They actively searched for creative alcohol-free options with as much care as they’d invested in choosing the best wine or cocktails for dinner.
But the biggest thing I hadn’t expected was that I’d still be alcohol-free 2.5 years later. I don't feel like I'm missing out or that my social connections have suffered.
What I’d not go back to
While I don’t know if I’m going to be alcohol-free forever, there are things that I’d genuinely miss if I started drinking again.
Specifically, I love how I wake up feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the day (well, most days).
I also love how present I feel in the moment. And the connection we each need is only ever in the moment when we choose to be present.
Is it time for you to get curious?
Something prompted you to open this article and read this far.
Is it that you’re curious about going alcohol-free? Are you curious about how you could feel meaningfully connected as an adult in midlife without alcohol?
Is consuming alcohol a barrier between you and the present moment?
I’m not saying that you need to stop drinking. I do think there's value in becoming curious about the habits that are shaping our lives – especially about how we connect to ourselves and with the world around us.
You may want to try increasing the number of alcohol-free days you have each week. You may want to experiment by trying alcohol-free beers or wines (although, you must tell me if you find a good non-alcoholic wine…).
You may also choose to stay sober when you attend a social event where you would have normally had a few drinks.
Whatever you do, know that the curiosity you’re practising is important.
One of the unexpected outcomes was that it became less about alcohol and more about paying closer attention to myself and how I connected to myself, to those most important to me and to my wider community.
Finding what connection is meaningful for each of us is important. It requires us to become and stay curious.
Keep going.
A place to start
If you’re open to exploring what meaningful connection is for you, the Connection Starter Course provides a practical and reflective starting point for understanding your connection needs and beginning the practice of reconnecting with yourself and the world around you.
Thanks for reading
~ Phil
Having just done dry July and decided to make it dry August (after a weekend off the wagon that left me feeling blah) - I loved reading this article! I've been surprised at how quickly my body started to feel better when I stopped the habit of my evening unwind wine.